I miss the night sky, burning clear with stars and
the way the midday sunlight, dancing with dust,
kisses the desert shadows.
I miss the way mountain sunsets immerse the world in a blanket of golden awe.
The only trees grow beside the river, which quenches
the parched ground of the sage covered hills.
An osprey climbs the sky on fearless wings,
his fiery eyes scouring the earth below.
The land sing out a challenge, it tantalizes the adventurer.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Have you ever suddenly come to the realization that something you have always believed isn't true? This has been happening to me a lot lately. Many instances of which, my friends have made fun of me for. For example, my mother has always given us these vitamin-rich lozenges called Cold-eez when we had cold symptoms. They knock out the cold before it can really take effect (its awesome!) So anyway, she has always told me and my siblings that we have to not chew it and only suck on it. We also had to completely finish it or else it would have no effect. Now, while they work very well, Cold-eez don't taste very good (though Mom never buys the flavors I like...) So, I always hate having to just wait for it to dissolve and go away so I can talk and drink lots of water to flush away the taste. The other week, I got a cold. I felt crappy for a few days before I finally was able to go home and get some medicine. I got some Cold-eez from our medicine basket and I brought them back to the dorm with me. Later, I popped one in my mouth and went about my day. About 15 minutes later, I was thinking, "ugh...I wish I could just spit this out already." I thought, "Well, If I do all this will have been for nothing." Then all of a sudden it hit me. Mom had lied to me. I didn't have to finish the entire thing for it to work. Most of it would be ok. Wow.....I felt dumb (and a little bit betrayed.) At 22, I finally knew the truth. Well, I guess I had a lot less colds growing up because of Mom's story....
Mom also used to give us spoonfuls of Peanut butter sometimes when we were little. She used to say to us, "There are vitamins in it! It's good for you!" We just ate and and were happy. Then, one day when I was about 10, I realized that Mom had literally put vitamins in the spoonful of peanut butter. Like, Vitamins C, D, E and other things. How had I not noticed that before? Ah well. I guess a spoonful of peanut butter helps the vitamins go down. Mom was/is s tricky, but smart, Woman.
Mom also used to give us spoonfuls of Peanut butter sometimes when we were little. She used to say to us, "There are vitamins in it! It's good for you!" We just ate and and were happy. Then, one day when I was about 10, I realized that Mom had literally put vitamins in the spoonful of peanut butter. Like, Vitamins C, D, E and other things. How had I not noticed that before? Ah well. I guess a spoonful of peanut butter helps the vitamins go down. Mom was/is s tricky, but smart, Woman.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
You were a dream, a dream and nothing more,
insist the smirking shadows in my head.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
Your gentle touch is all that I wake for,
I can't remember, though, when last we met.
You were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
My letters must be piled up at your door;
un-opened, sealed with sighs and penned in red.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
I think you bought me roses once before.
The doctors say its all just in my head.
You were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
My fragile fairy tale has failed me, for
my dress is torn, my promised prince is dead.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
You hold my world; without you i'm forlorn.
It can't, it can't be true because they said
you were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
insist the smirking shadows in my head.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
Your gentle touch is all that I wake for,
I can't remember, though, when last we met.
You were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
My letters must be piled up at your door;
un-opened, sealed with sighs and penned in red.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
I think you bought me roses once before.
The doctors say its all just in my head.
You were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
My fragile fairy tale has failed me, for
my dress is torn, my promised prince is dead.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
You hold my world; without you i'm forlorn.
It can't, it can't be true because they said
you were a dream, a dream and nothing more.
(Demitri, don't you love me anymore?)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Lessons from Motherhood
(for all who are wondering, or who may be seriously disturbed by my choice of title, please, keep reading. I have no children. No worries.)
I am in a play called Cheaper by the Dozen, in which I play the mother. Its a cute show about a family in the 20's with 12 children. What's interesting is that it is based on a true story of an actual family back then. Cool stuff, right? Anyway, I play the mother. Its been an interesting experience kind of becoming "Mother," aka. Lillian Moller Gilbreth.
I think I started off as just being Heather, acting like what I imagined a mother would act like. We have had no shortage of troubles with this production so far, let me assure you, but I think that those same trials helped us to pull together as a cast and truly become a family. Along those same lines, I feel that I have become my character. Like, I really care about my "family." I'm going to be sad when this play is over, if only for the sake of seeing all those lovely people every day. Backstage, its not uncommon to see a few of us all sitting in a corner running lines or joking with one another. Backstage, I have found myself having serious talks, comforting cast members and occasionally reprimanding someone. At those times, I feel like Mom. I certainly don't claim to know what being a real mother is like, but I can definitely say I have a slightly better idea as of late.
I am in a play called Cheaper by the Dozen, in which I play the mother. Its a cute show about a family in the 20's with 12 children. What's interesting is that it is based on a true story of an actual family back then. Cool stuff, right? Anyway, I play the mother. Its been an interesting experience kind of becoming "Mother," aka. Lillian Moller Gilbreth.
I think I started off as just being Heather, acting like what I imagined a mother would act like. We have had no shortage of troubles with this production so far, let me assure you, but I think that those same trials helped us to pull together as a cast and truly become a family. Along those same lines, I feel that I have become my character. Like, I really care about my "family." I'm going to be sad when this play is over, if only for the sake of seeing all those lovely people every day. Backstage, its not uncommon to see a few of us all sitting in a corner running lines or joking with one another. Backstage, I have found myself having serious talks, comforting cast members and occasionally reprimanding someone. At those times, I feel like Mom. I certainly don't claim to know what being a real mother is like, but I can definitely say I have a slightly better idea as of late.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
When I was little, we lived in Davidson North Carolina, on the smallest, rattiest house on the street at the corner of Catawba Ave. When we moved in, the weeds were so high my Dad rented a bush hog to get through it all. We had snake problems for months after. We painted it a clean white, and replaced the ancient, peeling windows with ones you could see through.
There was a big muskedine vine growing on the fence in the back corner of the yard. I would hide behind it; a green, leafy shade to read borrow library books under. Then, one day, men came from the city and cut down that bush. I still don't know why.
In the front yard, there was a huge oak tree, with an abandoned bird feeder hanging jauntily by one chain (instead of two). A powerline ran through the branches. One day, there was a burning smell in the yard, we went out to look and a squirrel lay on the ground beneath the tree. His little lips curled in a death grimace and his tiny feet were balled up in charred knots. The poor thing! He had been electrocuted on the power line. They later cut a huge swathe from the branches of that tree, for a crime it didn't commit. It never looked the same, with its ragged, gaping hole surrounding the power line.
I decided to take up gardening one summer. I proudly bought pumpkin, carrot and watermelon seeds. I helped Dad plow up the ground in my 3 by 5 patch of dirt and tenderly stood watch when I couldnt help. This was pure magic to an 8 year old, I had my own space. I planted the seeds in haphazard lines and almost drowned them in water and miracle grow. Day after day, I waited for a hint of green in the soil. I didnt have much luck though. About three months later, my garden long since abandoned and left to grow over, it was a drizzly Sunday morning. We were leaving for church and I was in my sunday clothes. I was waiting on Mom to be ready, so I looked out the window at the back yard. It couldnt be...I caught a glimpse of something that I thought was green in my abandoned garden. Disregarding the rain, I ran out and dug with my hands around the mud until I pulled out a gigantic, foot-long carrot. This monstrosity was at least 3 inches across the top. Muddy and dripping, I triumphantly carried my prize back inside.
One night, the family was in our living room, and Dad told me to go feed my cat. Ms. Kitty's food and water was on the screened in back porch, and it was very dark in the back of the house. I snuck around each dark corner, calling to her, but she wasn't to be found. Finally, I looked on the porch itself, and there, crunching cat food, was a black sihlouette that looked like a cat. Relieved, I flipped on the porch light and heard a HISSSSSSS!!!!! I spun around. There was a huge creature eyeing me, fangs bared and hair on edge, hissing with red mouth and beady eyes. I ran from the porch, straight to my Dad, wide eyed and crying. He chased the possum away, but I never got over my fear of them.
The field across from our house was just the back yard of an abandoned house, but it was much more to me and my neighbors. The two boys who lived next door came over to play most every day. We would play games in the tall grass and talk all day, and then watch the sun sink with its dying colors. Just after dusk, we would chase the little flecks of living lightning that zipped around tops of the bushes. Sometimes, we would imprison them in glass jars to take home and use as a nightlight. Twilight was a game of whirling lights and of a hunter's hide and seek.
There was a big muskedine vine growing on the fence in the back corner of the yard. I would hide behind it; a green, leafy shade to read borrow library books under. Then, one day, men came from the city and cut down that bush. I still don't know why.
In the front yard, there was a huge oak tree, with an abandoned bird feeder hanging jauntily by one chain (instead of two). A powerline ran through the branches. One day, there was a burning smell in the yard, we went out to look and a squirrel lay on the ground beneath the tree. His little lips curled in a death grimace and his tiny feet were balled up in charred knots. The poor thing! He had been electrocuted on the power line. They later cut a huge swathe from the branches of that tree, for a crime it didn't commit. It never looked the same, with its ragged, gaping hole surrounding the power line.
I decided to take up gardening one summer. I proudly bought pumpkin, carrot and watermelon seeds. I helped Dad plow up the ground in my 3 by 5 patch of dirt and tenderly stood watch when I couldnt help. This was pure magic to an 8 year old, I had my own space. I planted the seeds in haphazard lines and almost drowned them in water and miracle grow. Day after day, I waited for a hint of green in the soil. I didnt have much luck though. About three months later, my garden long since abandoned and left to grow over, it was a drizzly Sunday morning. We were leaving for church and I was in my sunday clothes. I was waiting on Mom to be ready, so I looked out the window at the back yard. It couldnt be...I caught a glimpse of something that I thought was green in my abandoned garden. Disregarding the rain, I ran out and dug with my hands around the mud until I pulled out a gigantic, foot-long carrot. This monstrosity was at least 3 inches across the top. Muddy and dripping, I triumphantly carried my prize back inside.
One night, the family was in our living room, and Dad told me to go feed my cat. Ms. Kitty's food and water was on the screened in back porch, and it was very dark in the back of the house. I snuck around each dark corner, calling to her, but she wasn't to be found. Finally, I looked on the porch itself, and there, crunching cat food, was a black sihlouette that looked like a cat. Relieved, I flipped on the porch light and heard a HISSSSSSS!!!!! I spun around. There was a huge creature eyeing me, fangs bared and hair on edge, hissing with red mouth and beady eyes. I ran from the porch, straight to my Dad, wide eyed and crying. He chased the possum away, but I never got over my fear of them.
The field across from our house was just the back yard of an abandoned house, but it was much more to me and my neighbors. The two boys who lived next door came over to play most every day. We would play games in the tall grass and talk all day, and then watch the sun sink with its dying colors. Just after dusk, we would chase the little flecks of living lightning that zipped around tops of the bushes. Sometimes, we would imprison them in glass jars to take home and use as a nightlight. Twilight was a game of whirling lights and of a hunter's hide and seek.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Brilliantly painted jewel-hues splashed across an ethereal, elemental canvas which fades to drowsy blue-grey. Like a lover's nightly farewell, the colors sing loudly, then softly speak poetry, then whisper beautiful words of love before finally disappearing into darkness for the night. Hints of wispy grey cloud mar the daylight's deathbed, boldly standing guard as the light lowers itself into unknown oblivion.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
To those who have been on my heart,
You are one of the people that keep me going. You are always an encouragement, always positive, and always there to goof off with me when i need it. I am incredibly blessed to know you. You are so beautiful and I hope you see that as much as everyone around you does.
~
Sometimes I don't know how to handle you. You have the potential to be a good friend, but I wish you were more mature and didn't rely so much on getting your own way. I feel like all I can do is pray.
~
I worry for you, friend. I love you, and you know that. I miss your laugh when you meant it. I want to be strong for you 'til you find yourself again.
~
You and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but I have come to realize how faithful a friend you have been for me. Even when I didn't realize or appreciate it. Thanks for being a confidant and an encourager.
~
I hate to give up on a person, but you leave me with no other options. You are not a bad person, but you have become that thing you once loathed. I cannot stand any more heartache because of you. It breaks my heart to see you like this, but maybe silence is what you need in order to finally listen.
~
Oh, you. You have this ability to make my day brighter and you give the best hugs. I'm so glad that we share some of the same circles and you can relate to me. Its nice to have someone who understands a lot of what makes me me. You are a talented, intelligent, sweet and quirky person who has lots of adventures ahead of you. You are just wonderful.
~
Oh I miss you. I didnt know you that long in the grand scheme of things, but you and I have such a fun history! I can think back and remember so many jokes and moments we had. I still have my ring and tshirt, I hope you kept yours. haha.
~
I don't agree with some of your life choices, especially lately, but I still loves you. It may be awkward for me for a while, but I promise I will try to understand and be there. Just be aware of how this is affecting others around you.
~
Please stop stalking me. Seriously, its been years.
~
I don't say this enough. I love you. I really do. I'm realizing that you are I are more similar than I cared to believe and I am so thankful to have you in my life.
~
I'm sorry I steal your makeup sometimes. haha. I love you so much and I hope you and I get more time to spend with each other once school is over. I don't want to not be involved in your life as much as I have been. Love you
~
You are getting to be so handsome! You always make me laugh and I am constantly amazed at how mature you are. I have missed a lot since I havent been around as much. I miss you
~
Ich bin sehr glu:cklich, das habe ich du treffen. Du bist sehr sho:n and sehr su:B.
~
You made me question whether or not I knew what love really was, and for that I am thankful. I grew a lot from knowing you and I hope you are doing well.
~
You keep giving when I dont feel like I am worth it. You are such a wonderful person. I miss your laugh and your crazy websites. Your cheefulness is infectious and your advice is always sound.
~
You are one of the people that keep me going. You are always an encouragement, always positive, and always there to goof off with me when i need it. I am incredibly blessed to know you. You are so beautiful and I hope you see that as much as everyone around you does.
~
Sometimes I don't know how to handle you. You have the potential to be a good friend, but I wish you were more mature and didn't rely so much on getting your own way. I feel like all I can do is pray.
~
I worry for you, friend. I love you, and you know that. I miss your laugh when you meant it. I want to be strong for you 'til you find yourself again.
~
You and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but I have come to realize how faithful a friend you have been for me. Even when I didn't realize or appreciate it. Thanks for being a confidant and an encourager.
~
I hate to give up on a person, but you leave me with no other options. You are not a bad person, but you have become that thing you once loathed. I cannot stand any more heartache because of you. It breaks my heart to see you like this, but maybe silence is what you need in order to finally listen.
~
Oh, you. You have this ability to make my day brighter and you give the best hugs. I'm so glad that we share some of the same circles and you can relate to me. Its nice to have someone who understands a lot of what makes me me. You are a talented, intelligent, sweet and quirky person who has lots of adventures ahead of you. You are just wonderful.
~
Oh I miss you. I didnt know you that long in the grand scheme of things, but you and I have such a fun history! I can think back and remember so many jokes and moments we had. I still have my ring and tshirt, I hope you kept yours. haha.
~
I don't agree with some of your life choices, especially lately, but I still loves you. It may be awkward for me for a while, but I promise I will try to understand and be there. Just be aware of how this is affecting others around you.
~
Please stop stalking me. Seriously, its been years.
~
I don't say this enough. I love you. I really do. I'm realizing that you are I are more similar than I cared to believe and I am so thankful to have you in my life.
~
I'm sorry I steal your makeup sometimes. haha. I love you so much and I hope you and I get more time to spend with each other once school is over. I don't want to not be involved in your life as much as I have been. Love you
~
You are getting to be so handsome! You always make me laugh and I am constantly amazed at how mature you are. I have missed a lot since I havent been around as much. I miss you
~
Ich bin sehr glu:cklich, das habe ich du treffen. Du bist sehr sho:n and sehr su:B.
~
You made me question whether or not I knew what love really was, and for that I am thankful. I grew a lot from knowing you and I hope you are doing well.
~
You keep giving when I dont feel like I am worth it. You are such a wonderful person. I miss your laugh and your crazy websites. Your cheefulness is infectious and your advice is always sound.
~
Saturday, October 1, 2011
There is something about the first few days of autumn weather that make every plain, every day thing in the world into something beautiful. The cool touch in the air complemented by the occasional warm rays of sunshine. There is a dusty, fresh scent in the air, the smell of the cold overtaking the trees of summer. It is new and fresh, like springtime, but tragic and deep because of the impending winter-death. The sky is clear and a brave, grey-blue. The cool breeze carelessly tosses your hair and whispers windy melodies in the ears of its audience. Leaves occasionally free themselves from hardened trees, only to be tumbled along by the mischievous winds to God knows where.
Summer is a season with a full life. Its birth is beautiful and its death, even more so.
Summer is a season with a full life. Its birth is beautiful and its death, even more so.
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