I don't know where life is headed...though it would be so helpful to know!
Sometimes I catch myself worrying about how I am going to pay for college loans, how I am going to find a job, where I am going to live after college, and what I am going to actually DO with my life. I know it will all work out, because thats how God works...but it is certainly hard to remember that sometimes. I know God has called me into ministry. I know God has put me here in Mississippi for now. I know that I have a heart for people...and God is writing my story. : ) I want to live a great story.
I also sometimes wonder if I don't mess things up for God. Imagine trying to compose a beautiful painting: you know what you want the final result to look like, but everytime you make a different stroke of the brush, another person grabs the brush from your hand and starts painting the picture they think you are trying to depict. That would be so frustrating! I don't want that for my life. I want God and God alone to be the one composing my story. Hands off, self! I am afraid that I may mess something up by a bad decision or by jumping into something without his guidance. It is all too easy to say a quick, token-prayer, assume God is saying ok, then do exactly what I want to do. This needs to not be.
So God, here I am,
I am flawed, make me beautiful
I am weak, be my strength
I am lost, give me purpose
I am the headstrong child, you are the loving father
Teach me. Change me. And turn my heart toward you.
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