29:11

Life is crazy.
Seriously and completely crazy.
Well, sometimes anyway.
Like right now. I feel kind of caught up in a mad dash of places to be, decisions to make and worries about the future. I don't know whats coming, I am not sure what I am choosing is right, and I don't like not having a plan (when its important....like life) and the future seems scary.  Its hard for me to trust myself, and i'm not sure that that is a good idea anyway....That's one reason that Jerimiah 29:11 is my favorite verse. (It kind of has to be though, God always taps me on the shoulder and whispers it to me almost every day) I don't have to trust me, I can trust God. But I do worry about messing things up for him.  Oh Lord, how do you put up with me? I try to be so independent, even when I know I will fail if I don't lean on you. I'm so stubborn.
Finals and everything else make me want to stress out, but I know that it will all be over soon, and things will be great. God is in control, he knows what he is doing, and to top it all off with a big cherry, he is planning GOOD things for me! Not just the brussel sprouts and *insert name of nasty food here* kind of "good for you", but the enjoyable, wonderful fulfilling kind of "good."
Wow!
Don't you love God?
: )

Summer Goals

So, summer is almost here. Its so hard to believe that i'm half-way through college! I really haven't though too much about what I am going to do this summer. I'm still trying to find a job, but until I do, I need something to keep myself busy. So, here are some of my goals.

-Set aside more time to spend in prayer
-Get back into practice playing my Guitar
-Work out every day
-Read my book list
-Sell photography and be a street musician with my sister at the booth Mom is getting in the downtown Clinton market ever Saturday. haha
-Go through all my stuff (still in boxes) that I have collected during our last three moves
-Maybe i'll learn to play Bass, If I can find someone who has a Bass. haha
-Write a song (and actually finish it!!!!)

We'll see how it goes. I am actually pretty excited about this summer. I know people who live in the area now, so I will see people this summer (unlike last summer.) haha. I literally only saw my school friends a few times all summer. So, I am happy.

Bring on the Sunshine (and subsequent sunburns...)

Isn't it funny how first impressions are often the only impression we base our perception of a person on? I was talking with my boyfriend tonight about how people think he is quiet and shy, they are surprised to learn that he has a less than perfect past and has tattoos. And I remember all the times people I know have found out that I listen to screamo, snowboard and have three sets of piercings. haha. I suppose people only see the sweet, knitting homeschooler geek side of me. It just goes to show that people are much more complex than we give them credit for. Its fun trying to get to know someone so well that you see those "other sides."
People are awesome.

My English teacher has been raving about this author,Virginia Woolf, for months now...It was one of the many things we make fun of the poor lady for. But today, I stand amazed. We were assigned to read a piece by Virginia Woolf and I absolutely loved it! Sure she's a little feministic and odd, and she killed herself....but I still like her. She has a beautiful way with words and has the insight to give those words meaning and purpose. And I suppose I have nothing better to do since this horrible pollen has made me sicker than I've been all year. I have been taking medicine all day, we'll see if it works. I' hoping its just allergies anyway.
Ah well, at least I have my school work and long-dead authors to keep me entertained. (Wow...I feel so nerdy for having said that. Doubly so for having meant it....)

Easter is one of the few holidays that begins with a vowel. Wow....I just realized that.

Happy Easter everyone!

If I can avoid mounds of chocolate and marshmallow chickens then I will be happy.

But Jesus makes me happy, so, I will be more happy.

He is risen! Hallelujah!

MY SOUL FINDS REST in God alone,

My Rock and my salvation,

A fortress strong against my foes,

And I will not be shaken.

Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,

And lies like arrows pierce me,

I'll fix my heart on righteousness,

I'll look to Him who hears me.

 

O praise Him, hallelujah,

My Delight and my reward;

Everlasting, never failing,

My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone

Amid the world's temptations;

When evil seeks to take a hold

I'll cling to my salvation.

Though riches come and riches go,

Don't set your heart upon them;

The fields of hope in which I sow

Are harvested in heaven.

I'll set my gaze on God alone,

And trust in Him completely;

With every day pour out my soul,

And He will prove His mercy.

Though life is but a fleeting breath,

A sigh too brief to measure,

My King has crushed the curse of death

And I am His forever.

 

Stuart Townend and Aaron Keyes

Copyright © 2007 Thankyou Music

I decided to take a little down time today after worship. So, I went back to my dorm, thinking I was going to do some homework and go to bed early. Didn't happen. I decided that I really really wanted to go for a run (or at least attempt to run and then pant my way back into a slow jog..run jog run jog). I dont know...I just had a lot on my mind tonight and running seems to help get all the muck out of my head so I can think more clearly. On the way back to my dorm, I realized that I had taken my mp3 player, but not my keys or my phone, so I was locked out of my dorm. I just walked to the back patio behind my dorm and sat there for a good while, just thinking and praying. It was a really great time.
   I feel a lot more at peace with things. God is so good. It makes me wonder why I think I have to do it all myself when God is right there, asking us for our burdens.
   A few thoughts i'd like to share: So, a wonderful friend of mine tonight was speaking about how "we are God's." (please note the apostrophe...We are not equivalent to God) And I started thinking about that...We are God's, we belong to him. That is amazing! We have a master, a leader, a standard to fly. I think so many times when we think of ourselves, we give ourselves self-titles. "Oh, I am funny, or I am a good person." I am this, I am that. Blah Blah Blah. It goes on. We also give other people titles, so to speak. "They are prideful, they are boring, they are too popular for someone like me to talk to." We are ALL sinners. We (Christians) are ALL covered by the grace and love of God, which makes us equal. So really, all those titles we dish out are irrelevant. The most important and overarching source of identity we have is this : We are his (God's). So how can we rank ourselves above or below someone else? We are called to love.
Speaking of love. Another thought that sprang from the previous one...
Just think about the love of God. Mull it over, try to cram the fathomless depths of it into your mind. It is so much!!!! I guess thats why the Bible says "God is Love."
1 John 4:8

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Since God IS love, you would think we would learn to be like him, in fact we are told to strive to be like Christ. If we are trying to be like Christ, and God is Love, then wouldn't it be safe to say that we should try to 'become love?' What if replace God's name with ours in that verse. I said it to myself to see how it sounded..."Heather is love." It just sounded to wrong. I know I am not love, nor could I ever totally be. I am so messed up and flawed in my love. God, I want to be more like you. I want to have so much genunine love for people that they immediately see you in me.. Make me like you.

Heather is not love, but I pray that becomes more true every single day.